If only this were real.

The BeyHive does not suffer fools.

 

EDIT: Bey approved.

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Santos the Ocelittle.

Baby ocelot = ocelittle With his bestie Blakely. Santos lives at the Cincinnati Zoo and was born November 2. Here’s the smush face about two weeks after he was born.

EDIT: my dedicated fan base (aka my sister) alerted me to the corrupted images in this post, so I fixed it. Sorry for depriving you all of this magic!

Dear Ten-Year-Old Self,

Before you ask me when you have your first kiss or if you’ll ever have a boyfriend, I need to tell you some more important stuff first. What’s more important than a first kiss, you ask? Plenty. First of all, don’t let that kid in your class, Danny, who called you fat, make you self-consciously wear oversized sweatshirts for the next four years to hide your body. That kid is horrible and years from now he will be boring and bald and trying to get in touch with you to come to the set of the TV show you work on. No, you don’t work on Cheers. That show’s not on the air anymore. That would’ve been awesome, though. Another thing: Say thank you, always. Gratitude is the closest thing to beauty manifested in an emotion. When you’re grateful, people are attracted to you. Also: Make sure you appreciate Mom and Dad. Yes, they never seem to let you do anything now except read books. Once you turn 18 you’ll never get to live with them again, and you’ll live far away, and you will miss them so much it hurts. Next: Learn forgiveness and bestow it generously. Finally: Don’t let anyone give you any crap. Mastering a balance of these last two will take you a lifetime, so you had better get started now.

(x) – Mindy Kaling

 

EDIT: 500th POST YALL. I think Mindy is totally appropriate for this momentous occasion.

All Grown Up.

Charles “Chuckie” Finster channeled his anxiety into writing and performing and now finds himself a burgeoning slam poetry super star. During the day you’ll find him coaching Forensics and local high school LTAB teams.

Phil and Lil became Youtube sensations with their series of videos in which they conduct gross/messy/entertaining science experiments. Their strong online following has earned them the attention of several television producers who are interested in creating a children’s educational show. Phil and Lil would love to be on PBS in the near future.

Angelica Pickles went on to internet fame for her terrible song called Weekend, and its even more terrible music video (produced by Ark Music Factory and paid for by her parents), and just when everyone thought her 15 minutes were up she leveraged her awesomely bad song’s popularity into a reality show on Bravo called Fallen Angelica. She may not be a good singer, but she’s shrewd, ambitious and makes for incredibly quotable television.

Susie Carmichael attended the American Musical and Dramatic Academy. She’s achieved critical acclaim for her experimental art rock, dance-punk music and looks forward to writing concept albums in each of the 10 langues in which she’s fluent.

Arnold- Philosophy major, currently working on his certification in Professional Building Design. Builds/designs furniture in his spare time.

English Major, recently hired as a Social Media Manager after one year living at home and another year spent in a thankless, penniless internship.

Sid- Bartender, apprentice at a tattoo shop, and plays in a rockabilly band he formed with Stinky Peterson.

Attended Princeton for one year, experienced a breakdown and dropped out. She modeled, traveled, and is now enrolled at FIT.

Angelica is so well-dressed. I would seriously wear that outfit.

Not sure of the artist on this, I found it on Tumblr. There is a signature next to Lil, if anyone knows who did these, please let me know!

EDIT: I found the artist! Her name is Celeste Pille and she doodles. Here is her Tumblr with lots of awesome series or drawing. I added some of the descriptions I found on her site of the drawings I posted above, and added some new ones below! Enjoy.

Tommy Pickles is honing his skills in mountain climbing, scuba diving, and paragliding to become a master at wildlife photography. He aspires to be a regular contributor to National Geographic and plans to rappel into an active volcano in the near future to capture the terrifying beauty of lava lakes.

Gerald Johanssen- Currently pursuing a master’s degree in Political Science.

BEY EMERGENCY

So I know it’s not Beyonce Monday but I just found an embeddable version of her new song that leaked last night. It’s the full version of “Grown Woman” which we first heard in her Pepsi commercial. Let me know what you think! I like it more than “Bow Down/I Been On” and if it is released as a single I think the video will be incredible. I need 8 million more listens before I can give a fully formed opinion. I’m filing this under Beyonce mOnday because I feel like it.

EDIT: Changed the link to one that still works!

Now bitches I run this.

New Arrested Development episodes on Netflix May 26

I can’t wait! May 26 is also Memorial Day so not only will a bunch of peopel have off from work, but we will all be nursing hangovers from the first BBQs (or rooftop parties, as we have here in New York) so what better way to laze around in bed than this?!

This is how excited I am.

 

EDIT: This is my 200th post, so yay.

Boston

Spent the weekend in Boston and got super nostalgic for my life there and my friends and how that city makes me feel. But then I came home and realized just that: I was home.

But I did get to run around JP Pond on Saturday and I do wish I lived a little closer to some nature.

EDIT: there/their, I blame DST. Sorry guys.

Quvenzhané Wallis

I haven’t seen Beasts of the Southern Wild but it’s on my list. Mostly because I have fallen in love with the pint-sized star. I really wish I got to hear her acceptance speech because it would have been adorbs.

But of course, not everyone loves her (even if I don’t understand). The Onion came under fire Sunday night for this seriously misguided and offensive tweet:  “Everyone else seems afraid to say it, but that Quvenzhané Wallis is kind of a c–t, right? #Oscars2013.”

Sorry Onion, we all know you’re satire, but this crossed the line. She’s nine. Everyone from Keith Olberman to Wendell Pierce came to her defense and The Onion quickly deleted it. Not cool, Onion. Not cool.

EDIT: They apologized.